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I was down emotionally and psychologically… It _my breakup experience_ happened to me while I was in a relationship with someone after my “service year”. We’d had sweet times and memories for about 8-9 months. I was on the verge of giving up on love on people close to me.Some of my close friends knew how I felt and helped me during these times. Apart from my parents and some of my close friends, I didn’t really speak with anyone except God.

She gave so many reasons oo…

She cooked so many reasons up…

You know when a lady_anybody actually_ wants to leave a relationship at times, they’ll cook up excuses that are probably not genuine. What she told me was different from what she told some of my other friends. She told me that we were not compatible and then later on, she told me that our purposes were different. She said I want to be a lecturer and she wants to work as an NGO. I was startled because I didn’t know how that affected us. She later said she was leaving because I reported some of her wrong doings to her friends. Then later, she said, she left because I didn’t seem to have everything going on for me and she wanted to get married soon. Later she said… I can’t even remember again sef!

I decided to stop thinking over and over about the situation because the more I thought about it, the more I felt bad and revengeful. I wasn’t really overwhelmed with dark emotions due to the bad experience.I decided to engage myself in more activities, do more of social works like volunteering and above all, I also prayed about the relationship. I remembered vividly the word of the Lord saying “The love of God is shed abroad in our heart through the help of the Holy Spirit”. Irrespective of how badly the relationship ended and how that she decided to drift away, I continually decided that I’ll continually give myself to love and not allow it to hurt my love life towards other people because God himself is LOVE.

I do not feel remorseful about the situation again because not only did she apologise, God has made me see reasons why it is a blessing in disguise.

What I learnt?

Well, sometimes I wished I had read some books on relationship which I just did now, it would have helped me become a better partner in the relationship.

First and foremost, irrespective of the gender, people should learn that a relationship is a lot of work. It is always advisable to be friends with the person for some time before you both begin a relationship. Relationships are not just about the good looks, it’s far more than attraction. Both sides must be ready to work. It must be intentional. You must be ready to make sacrifices. Relationships are about ‘I have excesses and you have them too, can we both manage our excesses?’. If it’s not possible, please don’t embark on the relationship. Relationships are about ‘I know your weaknesses and you know mine, can we manage each other’s weaknesses?’. Relationships are not about sex, they’re about being responsible, being committed and supporting each other even after marriage. Your partner must be your best friend and confidant. In your relationship, you need to know your partner. When I say know, I mean know him or her within and without. You don’t keep things from each other and you are accountable to each other. Learn to attend godly programmes together that will foster unity and love. Pray together. Don’t take decisions alone. Learn to manage his or her emotions, know when to give healthy space and all. A relationship is a course on its own (Lol.)

So please, I’m begging you, if you’ve not read any book on relationship and you’re in a relationship or you’re yet to, please buy and read one. I recommend: The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, Men are from Mars, women are from Venus by John Gray, Relationship Goals by Michael Todd, God is a matchmaker by Derek Prince, The female brain by Louann Brizendine.

I’ve read all of these books so I can recommend them to you. I have the e-copy in case anyone needs them.

Above all, make sure that the person you’re in a relationship with is a believer of the Gospel. It’s important that you have the same belief system and you support each other. But don’t forget that being spiritual is not the same thing as having characters. You can blast in tongues but there’s a place for personal development too. One needs to be deliberate and work on himself or herself especially in areas like discipline, character and all. That you’re spiritual does not mean you have good characters!

Here are my details. Adebayo 07063396147 [email protected]

Thank you, Cheers…

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